Just for kicks and giggles I decided it would be fun to go back and read some of the early posts on this blog. It made me smile reading them and seeing how much hope I had for the future and how head over heels I was for Matt. Don't get me wrong I still have a lot of hope for the future and I'm still head over heels for Matt. But it's different now. Maybe it's just because I don't have the energy level I once did, maybe it's the stress of realizing just how much more responsibility I have now, maybe it's just because I'm prego and spend most of my time either feeling sick or wondering why in the world I got out of bed this morning. But what ever the case may be, looking back at those posts made me realize something, something I've known all along but that got pushed from my mind that is filled with details and worries about OK, and that is just how truly blessed I am.
Now that's not to say that I didn't think I was blessed before, just that I didn't realize the extent I have been blessed. I've been blessed with a wonderful husband who is so patient with all my mood-swings and is always willing to do whatever he can to help me. I've been blessed with the most adorable, fun loving, energetic son in the world! I love how often his smiles and laughter comes, even when he's teething molars. I've been blessed to have infant's advil and tyelnol around to help with the molars. I've been blessed with an amazing family that is more then willing to help me get everything that I need for this little princess, and for Eric while we are gone. Today I was blessed with a huge bag of clothes from my sister, and all of a sudden my huge list of clothes Samantha needs once we get to OK turned into a coming home outfit, socks and pants. I've been blessed with a mom who was willing to sit with me for several (probably frustrating at times) hours to teach me how to sew and knit. I've been blessed to be in a home that I get to call my very own. But most of all I've been blessed with a sense of peace.
The thought of leaving UT and having a baby in OK used to terrify me. How in the world was I going to have a baby in a state I didn't want to be in, with no family around to help with my precious son, and no known friends? How was I going to make it through the endless hours riding in a car with a toddler who hates getting in and out of cars, and cries if we are in the car for more then 45 min at a time? How was I going to handle the car ride home with said toddler and a 2-3 month old?
Then came the talk by President Eyring, yes the same talk that had me freaking out. I realized after looking at my previous blog posts that I was focusing on the wrong part of the talk. Yes his daughter gave birth at 25 weeks to a premature little princess. And yes it was scary for the family to deal with, especially being away in another state. But, there was still hope. His daughter was blessed with an amazing VT companion who was willing to listen to the Holy Ghost and act on His promptings. She was blessed to be in a church that has such a wonderful support system for all of its members. That is a blessing that I also have. I may not know any of the members that are there, but I know we share a common love. I know that when the time comes that I will be able to find someone who would be willing to watch Eric while I'm in the hospital and Matt is doing his training. It's still very possible that things won't work out how I picture them, but I know that they will work out. I know everything will work out for the best for my family. And I know all of this because I know that Heavenly Father won't give us more then we can handle. So all my fears about getting there, being there, giving birth and getting home are pointless. So while they may still surface between now and when we leave in 3 weeks, they will be fleeting, because I know the Lord will be with us and help us in any way that He can.
